Saturday 27 February 2010

It SOOO Was You!


Hello and welcome to the second of Mike's Minis. This week we're examining the Shaggy Case. What is the Shaggy Case? Well in 2001 Mr. Shaggy and his co-conspirator RikRok released a musical single called "It Wasn't Me" in which they deny being responsible for various sexual acts. I have gathered a great deal of proof to show you that in fact it was him, what I will present to you now will prove without a shadow of a doubt that Shaggy and yes even RikRok are randy buggers.

Well let's start with the lyrics which are the biggest indications that it was all a lie. Here is the opening exchange between Messrs Shaggy and Rok.

"Rok: Yo', man
Shaggy: Yo'
Rok: Open up, man
Shaggy: What do you want, man?
Rok: My girl just caught me
Shaggy: You let her catch you?
Rok: I don't know how I let this happen
Shaggy: With who?
Rok: The girl next door, you know
Shaggy: Man
Rok: I don't know what to do
Shaggy: Say it wasn't you"

How can anyone possible suggest it wasn't him after hearing that? Perhpas further lyrics will prove his innocence.

"To be a true player you have to know how to play
If she say a night, convince her say a day
Never admit to a word when she say makes a claim
And you tell her baby no way".

Pretty much an admission there wouldn't you say? It would appear that Shaggy possesses some kind of mental power to convince women what they see isn't true. I think it's safe to say that Mr. Shaggy is a threat to world security.

Let's look at some photo evidence. This is what Shaggy looks like:


Can you really trust a man that looks like this? Here is quite clearly trying to use his telepathic abilities. We can not believe this man, if he says it wasn't him then it obviously was him. Can we find anymore evidence in the video to show these men are guilty of these sexual crimes? How about this?


Photographic evidence! Case closed!!

The Mini Voice of The People

C.G.B. Spender writes: "Even his name "Shaggy" sounds like a hollow sexual boast. It was so obviously him, I don't know how he has the nerve to deny it."

funzonefan writes: "Yes it was him, he uses his abilities to trick women into bed."

Mr X writes: "Seriously what the hell are you talking about? It wasn't Shaggy it was RikRok, Shaggy's just trying to give him advice in a no win situation. Don't go giving Shaggy a hard time, Angel was a pretty sweet song. Screw RikRok though. He's just a dirty b'stard!"

Tuesday 23 February 2010

Dude Looks Like A Lady

Welcome to the first of Mike's Minis, a new series of mini articles dedicated to the lighter side of conspiracy theories. The stories covered in Mike's Minis are just harmless fun aimed at keeping my dedicated readers entertained until I expose the next global conspiracy. So on we go with our first mini investigation.

Is Lady GaGa a Man?

Is Lady GaGa not really a lady at all? There is quite a bit of evidence to suggest that the popular singer is packing something in her downstairs region that shouldn't really be there. Is she perhaps a hermaphrodite? Or a man in drag? For legal reasons I'm not going to draw any conclussions on this matter but I'll leave you with some photographic evidence so you can make up your own mind...








The Mini Voice of the People

C.G.B. Spender writes "If she's a woman then I'm going gay."

Mr. X writes "she's totally a dude."

funzonefan writes "GaGa's got a bigger chopper than my mum."

Next time on Mike's Minis: Shaggy - was it him?

Monday 22 February 2010

Don't Return To Sender



The Michael Van Dyke Casebook:


Elvis Lives!!!

Welcome to another Michael Van Dyke investigation. This week I've been focusing once again on the so called "death" of a musical icon. Elvis Presley was the king of rock and roll and allegedly died on the toilet in 1977. Of course this is what the Shadow Government want you to believe. But the truth is quite different!

Is Elvis dead? Well if he is then I've been wasting my life trying to discover truths that don't exist. In my honest opinion I believe that Elvis Presley faked his own death to escape the media spotlight and as usual I have compelling evidence to prove this. Read on if you can handle the truth...


The Wax Body of Elvis Aron Presley


How do you fake the death of one of the most famous men in the world? Simple you create a wax sculptor of him and shove it in a coffin!


Elvis had a custom made coffin that weighed over 900 pounds and was reported to be "unusually cool", carrying an air conditioning unit to prevent wax Elvis melting perhaps?

Elvis was on display for the public who noted his waxy looking face, one of Presley's sideburns actually fell off and the body was seen "sweating" or more likely melting! The body was also noted to have girly, pudgy hands which doesn't quite fit with the black belt holding Elvis.


Elvis weighed 250 pounds when he "died" yet on his death certificate it alledges he weighed only 170 pounds, perhaps because he was now little more than wax!



Further Evidence

Hours after Presley's death was announced to the world a man who looked alot like the king was seen ordering a plane ticket to Argentina under an alias reguarly used by Elvis.

A friend of Presley recieved a call from Elvis two days before his apparent death telling her not to believe anything she heard about him in the coming days, a polygraph test proved she was not lying.

A friend of Elvis, Lucy de Barbin, received a single rose in the mail on the day after Elvis' alleged death from "El Lancelot", a secret pet name no one else knew.

Elvis' life insurance policy has never been claimed to this day, a little strange don't you think?

Elvis had a big thing for numbers (a bit like our old friend Tupac and the number 7 eh?). Adding the numbers contained in the date of his alleged death equals 2001, the title of Presley's favourite movie, 2001!



It has been scientifically proven that the signature on Presley's death certificate is that of the king himself do you see?

All photographs from the scene of his death and toxicology reports have all mysteriously disappeared...convieniant eh?

There is a great deal of evidence to suggest that Elvis has taken on the identity of his stillborn twin brother Jesse with both his half sister Eliza Alice Presley and Dr. Donald Hinton (who testified in a court of law that he co-wrote his book about Elvis with "Jesse") confiiming this.

Many of Elvis Presley's most prized possessions disappeared following his death...perhaps he took them with him?

DNA tests have proven that the Elvis that died was not the same Elvis that the world loved, hard to deny that proof isn't it? Check out Bill Beeny's Elvis' DNA Proves He's Alive here


And how about our old favourite trick of rearranging letters. What happens when you start to jumble the letters of Elvis around. Well you get to the truth of this case. Elvis becomes lives what more could you possibly want?

Elvis: Where is he now?

1. The Bubba Ho-Tep Theory


According to author Joe R. Lansdale Elvis swapped places with an Elvis impersinator in the 1970s after growing tired with the fame game. This impersinator was the one who died and with all documentation proving that he was not the real Elvis lost the authentic Presley was unable to reclaim his position as the king of rock and roll and was forced to become an Elvis impersinator himself.

2. Elvis & The Planet of The Apes

According to the Daily Sport, Britain's finest boob orientated newspaper Elvis faked his death and then became a movie extra and he was spotted playing an ape in Tim Burton's re-imagining of The Planet of The Apes.



3. Special Agent Presley

Elvis joined forces with Richard Nixon and joined what is now the DEP (Drug Enforcement Agency) and led the war against drugs. He faked his death so he could continue this work in secret!



4. Elvis didn't want to be "Sleeping With The Fishes"

Elvis was an enemy of the Mafia and was forced to fake his death to avoid being killed by them.


The Voice of the People

Once again we have had plenty of input from our friends in the Truth Movement community and once again I present you a selection of the most interesting e-mails I've recieved on this case.

C.G.B Spender writes: "I'll say it again Illuminati! They needed Elvis for their plans. If you want to control the people you take their king!"

Joe from the Illuminati writes "I can tell you one thing it certainly had nothing to do with the Illuminati, in fact they don't even exist."

funzonefan writes "I'm telling you there's an island where all the celebrities that fake their deaths go and live. Tupac's there, Michael Jackson, Hitler, Jesus and Elvis must be there to!"

trustno1 writes "I'd be sued for suggesting that Elvis was romantically involved with a pot bellied pig called Clarence so I won't. But imagine if you were the most famous rock star in the world and you were involved in a bestial relationship that the world could never accept. Surely faking your death would be the only way you can keep that relationship going?"

Hounddog65 writes "Elvis is alive and we're friends. We have Singstar parties every week and he always gets the highest score on Suspicious Minds."

the_king writes "I've seen Elvis, he's still alive. He was kidnapped by aliens who needed a messiah. They brought him back last week"

theREALelvis writes "Seriously I'm dead and have been for quite some time."

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

Once again I leave you with undeniable photo evidence. Can you deny Elvis lives after reading this? Of course you can't!






Next time: The first part of our epic in depth look at the greatest conspiracy of them all, Paul is Dead.